Live everyday the way you want to be remembered.

The American says: “Last night, I had sex with my girlfriend five times. In morning she cooked me a nice big plate of pancakes and later that afternoon she told me that I had the biggest dick she’d ever seen.”
The Englishman replies: “That’s nothing mate, last night I shagged my bird seven times. In the morning she cooked me a full English fry-up and in the afternoon she told me I was the best lay she’d ever had.”
The Englishman and American notice that the Australian has remained oddly quiet throughout the conversation. The Englishman asks: “So how many times did you shag your girlfriend last night?”
“Just the once.” replies the Australian.
“And what did she cook you in the morning?” asks the American.
“Nothing.” Says the Australian.
The Englishman and the American both smirk at each other. “Well,” says the Englishman, “what did she tell you in the afternoon?”
“Don’t stop.”

Original.